Po boy - the Spam and Velveeta version

In anticipation of my forthcoming book (don't hold your breath – it will be at least a month), the title of which is expected to be “Back in the Day (when Spam was not a four-letter word and Velveeta was neeta), I share this imaginary recipe with you. It's imaginary in the sense that I did not make it. But I could, just as written below. My instructions are guaranteed to give you an old-fashioned frisson, something akin to the vapors. Before your nose in the air gives you a stiff neck, note the following: the blanching of the Spam changes it in fundamental ways. It removes much of the sodium and some of the fat. In the process it softens the texture of the “meat”. I hope you will view this as whimsy, even though I would eat it in a minute (if I hadn't just had lunch). Those of you of a certain age (that includes moi) may have been served Spam when you were young. No one I know has ever blanched it, and the flavor without that step can be a little aggressive. As for Velveeta, a person could do fondue with it, a person could make a hot compress to put on his/her chest to relieve cold symtoms, a person could probably use it as a depilatory. Nonetheless, it can be a “fun” food. Hey, it ain't much worse than what some folks put on their nachos already. But enough. Let's proceed with the proceedings.
Spam and Velveeta Po Boys (3-4 sandwiches)
12 oz can of Spam
mayonnaise
mustard
hot sauce
jalapeno, chopped with or without seeds (optional)
Hot dog buns or steak rolls
Velveeta (as needed)
chopped onion
chopped lettuce

Heat a large saute pan of water to boiling. Slice the Spam lengthwise into 6 pieces. Slip it into the water, remove from the heat and let stand 10 minutes. Dry on paper towels. Cut into suitable sizes and shapes to go into the sandwiches.

Mix together mayo, mustard, hot sauce, jalapeno (if using) to suit your taste. Spread this sauce on the buns.

In the pan you used to blanch the Spam, fry it lightly now, with or without some oil (if it's non-stick you won't need any). Just get it hot and a little color on it.

In the meantime microwave some Velveeta to a liquid consistency. (Careful, you can get pizza mouth from this.)

Assemble the po boys in whatever order you choose, although I would start with the Spam. After that you are on your own.Write to me about this and tell me you have the cojones to try it.

Otherwise, write to me anyways.